dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
