Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
