Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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