that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
