A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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