don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We left the knife in your bed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
