mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
