my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.