he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?