she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat