here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”