I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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