Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
