YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
