Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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