I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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