There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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