That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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