My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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