I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
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I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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