There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
