So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My pussy is not your playground.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
