I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
