I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
