Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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