I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
