Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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