just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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