found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
