Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
