I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
