ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
