my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
