I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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