OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
