Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
