I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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