look no pants
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
