totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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