tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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