he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
