hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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