my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize