My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
