He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
