this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
