i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
