If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
