last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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