he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
