Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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