nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
