I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
