i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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