If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
