Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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