Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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