It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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