I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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