No, drunk sperm still make babies.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
