Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
