How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
