he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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