I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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