I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
