Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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