Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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