you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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