you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
