Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
