When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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