I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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