We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
