All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
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It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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